I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
