trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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