yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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