Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
