You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She bit a glass in half.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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