I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
