Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
