i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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