we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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