i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
