I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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