GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
