Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
