her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Congratulations! We have a period
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
