Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
