1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
