Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
