you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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