the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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