I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
