I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
