the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
