dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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