Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
