i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
being pregnant is like rehab
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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