My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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