He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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