there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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