My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
