She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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