I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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