she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
