i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Found the puke drawer
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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