Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
