Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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