you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Come see our sink grown plant.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
