i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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