i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
