I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
