stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
