I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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