I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You are the jesus of drinking
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
