I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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