I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
