My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
