I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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