You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
