Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
