I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
