That's intense
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
