you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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