it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think people are normalizing furries
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize