I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
