Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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