I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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