Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize